


Sorry for stabbing you. Are we cool?

by explodingviolently



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Ghosts, Temporary Character Death, ZADF, Zombies, and because it would be funny if dib and zim had to schedule battles around dibs homework, dib dies BUT NOT FOR LONG, dib is like 16 in this, mostly because teen dib is HILARIOUS, very begrudging zadf
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27240442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/explodingviolently/pseuds/explodingviolently
Summary: Normally, if you're trying to kill someone and you succeed, that's considered a victory. Normally. To be fair, applying normalcy to this situation is a bit of a lost cause.
Relationships: Dib & Zim (Invader Zim), ZADF - Relationship
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32





	1. So. I'm a little bit dead, now.

**Author's Note:**

> Um. Enjoy?

The whole debacle had started off ordinarily enough. 

The two had met up in an empty parking lot for one of their regularly scheduled fights/thwarting sessions.

Dib told Zim that his face hole was stupid and his brains were ugly. 

Zim told Dib that his arms were terrible and that he should, quote, ‘shave his head so his brain worms would fall out easier’. 

Dib inevitably told Zim that made no sense. 

Zim told Dib ‘YOU make no sense’ 

And within three minutes they were wrestling in the parking lot of an abandoned mini mall, tussling and hurling insults at each other. 

“OOF - STINK-CREATURE!”

“Green- _ augh _ -! UGLY FREAK!” 

“YOU’RE GREEN!”

“ _ YOU’RE  _ green!” 

“I’m green?”

“Well, it’s more of a lime-tone…” 

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” 

“I HATE YOU, DIB-DOOKIE!”

“YOU’LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH IT,  _ ZIM _ !!” 

“RRGH!!” The green, short-statured alien in question jumped away, catching himself on his spidery PAK legs as he lept. The vexed human was left swinging at empty air. 

“HEY!” Dib whined, nasally. “That’s cheating!” 

“It’s not CHEATING if I’M BETTER THAN YOU!” The last word was accentuated with a jab towards Dib, who rolled away quickly. 

“Woah - CAREFUL! You’re gonna STAB ME!” He shouted up at Zim, pulling out his patented (very cool) trench coat from where it had been impaled. “Aw, man. Now I need to get one of my spares…” 

“WHEN I AM DONE WITH YOUUUUU! YOU WILL NEED A SPARE HEAD!” Zim taunted, kicking his legs in the air. He jammed another appendage at Dib, cheering loudly to himself when he felt it connect with something. 

Surveying the scene and looking downwards, he saw Dib had been holding his supernatural paraphernalia laden briefcase to his chest. And the pointy beam had driven RIGHT through it. 

“Uh. Ow.” He furrowed his brows, looking up at Zim.

Zim scoffed in return, pulling the leg back and blinking when some kind of… substance began leaking from the briefcase. 

“IS… that the NORMAL amount of blood in a briefcase?”

“Huh? Oh. No. Hm. I think this is from me?” 

“OH.”

“Huh.”

“You... seem… calm about this??” 

“Mhm! Yep! I think I might be in a little bit of shock.” He lifted the briefcase above his head. “Oh, man, that’s not good.”

And then he ragdolled across the pavement. 

Zim telescoped back down to the ground, squinting. 

“DIB. Are you dead.” 

He poked him with his foot (careful, to avoid germs)

“I CAN’T GLOAT ABOUT YOU BEING DEAD IF YOU’RE DEAD!” 

Poke poke. 

“GET UP, SMELLY!” He rolled his eyes. Theoretically. It would be a bit hard to tell, what with the lack of pupils. 

“WELL. THIS SUCKS. CAN’T YOU JUST UN-DEAD YOURSELF?” 

“That’s not how it works,  _ idiot!”  _

Zim sighed. FINALLY, he’s come to his senses and stopped being dead. Or. Maybe not? He nudged the… lump. Again. Huh. Still seemed pretty deceased. Turning around to head away from the potential crime scene, he managed to find himself face to face. Again. With- 

“Jeez, you alien freak, WATCH where you’re GOING!” Dib threw his hands in the air. 

“Eh - AREN’T YOU DEAD?” He pointed behind him, accusingly. 

“What? No!” A pause. “Um. Yeah. Okay. Maybe I am.” 

Zim stuck a hand through Dib’s now-translucent head, marvelling as it passed right through. 

“Oh, see, that’s nasty. That’s nasty and SO wrong.” 

“Are - ARE YOU HAUNTING ZIM?!” 

“Oh - Oh. Oh, I am.  _ Oh. _ ” His face broke out in a grin. “I CAN MESS WITH YOU FOREVER! And you can NEVER get back at me. Man, Why didn’t I think of this?” Dib flicked Zim’s head, and cackled (not without a noticeable voice crack) at the face he made in return. 

“GRRGR-!” He swatted at air. “BUT YOU’RE DEAD! AND THAT’S BAD! I think.” He squinted momentarily. 

“Hm. Yeah, you’re right. This does kinda suck. Ugh-and I’ll miss tonight’s Mysterious Mysteries too! Unless I possess the T.V…? Oh, no, that won’t work. Gaz knows how to perform exorcisms…” He tapped his chin, not seeming to notice that his hand just phased through his jaw. 

“I HATE how your brain works.” He gagged, kicking the pile that was Dib behind him. 

“Dude, cut that out! You totally owe me now!”

“WHAT!” 

“You OWE me.”

“WHAT!!” 

“YOU-” 

“STOP YELLING! WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM?” He crinkled his face up, flicking another hand through Dib’s corporeally challenged figure. 

“MY PROBLEM IS YOU KILLED ME! ZIM!!” 

“Well.  _ I’M _ not HELPING you.” He crossed his arms, turning his chin up. 

“Okay.” Dib shrugged, grin breaking out again. “Good luck stopping me from messing around in your base when nothing can touch me.” 

“WHAT! YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT!”

“How’re you gunna stop me, ZIM?” 

“I -” He lifted a finger, crumbling almost instantly into a severe case of what looked like brain flu. 

“That’s what I thought, space-boy.” He folded his arms, shooting Zim a glance and with an unnecessarily smug expression on the side.

“EUGH.” He glanced back to the late Dib, now slightly less late due to supernatural reasons. He stuck his tongue out, being super mature and all.

“Great. Fantastic.” He clapped his hands together. They slipped right through one another. “So! You’re going to let me use your alien supercomputer to fix this!” 

“HMPH.” Zim scowled. “YOU’RE LUCKY YOU’RE DEAD,  _ DIB. _ ” 

“You know, most people would refute that statement.” 

“TRUE. True. But I hate you!”

“Fair point!” 

“Yes. Zim is  _ very _ fair.” He nods, as if this is sage advice and this situation is AT ALL normal. Even for him. He grunts, heading around towards the direction of his base, the day seeming to catch up with him. Dib in tow, of course. 

Hopefully, the debacle would be over shortly. 

“ZIM! STOP STICKING YOUR HANDS THROUGH MY HEAD!!”

But it was unlikely. 


	2. Ew. That's gross.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I guess this is a Halloween fic! I know it's a bit late, bear with me. Enjoy! Remember to leave comments if u did ;]

“And so THAT’S why practicing medical procedures on grapefruits never gets you anywhere.” Dib had his head sticking through the back seat of Zim’s couch, arms propped up on the cushions. His legs were swinging back and forth behind the couch, and GIR was desperately trying to grab onto them. 

“Horrible - CREATURE - how many times must I tell you, I AM NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR DISGUSTING RAMBLINGS!!!” 

“Wow, Zim.” Dib rolled his eyes, retorting sarcastically. “You’re the best friend a guy could have.”

“I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND!” He smacked at his head, Dib watching wearily as his claws just went through the gargantuan thing with a slight ripple. “AND I WANT YOU GONE!!” 

“Yeah, well, that’s not HAPPENING until you get me BACK. Uh. To normal.”

“You were never normal.”

“Cram it space bug.” 

“What am I cramming?” 

“Okay. So.” Dib sat up, ignoring Zim’s inevitable horrible interrogation which came with every expression he used. “It’s been weeks. Time portals don’t work, so we can scratch that off the list. METAPHORICAL list.” He shot Zim a glare, and he put his hand down. “I can’t possess some random person off the street. That’s like, what. Killing them? Or at least their brains. Besides, I like being me. I can’t possess YOU. That would probably drive me insane.”

“Insaner” 

“And we’ve already established you can’t clone me for… reasons unknown.” 

“I have TOLD you, Dib- _ worms.  _ MY cloning technology ONLY works for IRKENS!”

“Again. Unknown reasons. I can’t keep writing my dad letters about how good our ‘sleepover’ is. He’s gonna think we’re  _ besties _ and make us hang out  _ more  _ and-” He gagged. Zim expressed his sentiments similarly.

“Gack.” Zim chuckled a bit. “Too bad you can’t ghost live-” 

“Possess” 

“Inside your OWN horrible head.”

“ZIM!” Dib yelled, getting up and falling through the floor, to the basement. Zim glanced at the floor, waiting for him to reappear. 

“Okay,” He began again, a little sheepishly, his oversized cranium peeking from the laminate floor. “Zim, that’s a GREAT idea!” His fingers were poking through the floor. He was waving his hands around. “If I just pop back in my own body - BAM! - like nothing even happened!”

“Of course, foolboy. Zim ALWAYS has great ideas. ALL ZIM IDEAS ARE GREAT!” The miniscule irken shot his hands into the air. Dib waved his hand, and a remote from atop the T.V. fell on his head. “OW.”

“Come ON space creep! I wanna get there before any chipmunks eat my head!” 

“THAT WOULD TAKE MILLIONS OF YEARS DUE TO THE GARGANTUAN NATURE OF YOUR HUGE GIANT HEAD!!” Zim shouted, being eagerly pulled out the door. 

“MY HEAD’S NOT BIG!!” 

\----

The mall was just as abandoned as it was earlier. Save for the horrible Dib Lump sitting in the parking lot, creating a horrible stench. 

“Human creature.” Zim was crunching his wig in his hands, desperately trying to avoid the smell reaching his antennae. “I’m starting to believe that this HORRIBLE idea is HORRIBLE.” 

“Zim, quit being such a baby.” Dib looked to be doing… warm up stretches? Prepping to jump back into his body. “I’ve seen you WAY worse than this.” He made a cough that sounded suspiciously like ‘baloney’. 

“YOU LIE!!” 

“I TRUTH!-uh. I-uh. YOU GET IT.” He lowered his hand, stretching out his back. Ectoplasmic popping noises emanated from the area. He turned to Zim, sticking his hands out in a T-pose-esque position, and back-dived into his own deceased corpse. 

“Dib-creature.” Zim poked the lump with his foot. “Are you still dead? Do I have to stay here?” It lurched a bit, and he kicked it and reeled back. “EW-”

“I’m-ugh-ugnn..” He grunted, barely shifting into an upright position. “I’m.. uh-” He slinked upwards, shuffling to stand. 

“I’m… PERFECTLY fine!” He stood straight and, yeah, it was pretty apparent he wasn’t. Especially emphasized by Zim’s horrified and disgusted screams. 

Maybe one of his eyes was dangling from its socket, and MAYBE some parts of his skull were exposed. Maybe there WAS a gaping hole in his torso, and just maybe Dib was stenching like the worst pits of hell at the moment. But it could have been  _ worse. _

“IT CAN’T GET WORSE THAN  _ THIS! _ THAT’S DISGUSTING!” Zim yelled between screams, pointing an accusatory finger at Dib. 

“Oh, come on.” He huffed, a puff of air whistling through the hole in his head where his nose was. “It can’t be THAT bad.” 

“You’re GREENER than  _ I _ AM! IT _IS_ THAT BAD!!” 

“You’re TOTALLY overreacting.” He flung his arms, the statement punctuated when one popped off, falling to the ground. “Uh. Could you get that for me?” 

More terrible screaming ensued. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did do some art on this fic, I think I'll post it next chapter I upload

**Author's Note:**

> Really this whole fic is just kind of an extended joke in episodic format.


End file.
